Thursday, 22 November 2007

A Thanksgiving Message from Mrs Hoffman

by Ted Hoffman

My dear wife has asked me to post the following on her behalf.

Some of you may not be aware that One of the Most English Men Alive, Ted Hoffman, is married to an American. The details of why the union was formed will remain hidden from you, Dear Reader, but suffice to say he seems to enjoy cockiness, loud laughter, and Taco Bell. In any case, I break my silence today to clear up a wee misconception that the Brits seem to have about our hallowed November holiday. Thanksgiving is NOT a "bigger deal" than Christmas. The first couple of times that I heard this little gem, I thought the person earnestly explaining this conceit was merely confused. However, I’ve lived in the UK for six years, and, each Thanksgiving season, more than one person has expressed the same thought using the exact same phraseology. After a while, I became convinced that the British had been brainwashed like that chap in Conspiracy Theory who has to buy the Catcher in the Rye each time the baddies send him an electronic message. "Every time someone says the word 'Thanksgiving' to you, you MUST wheel out a clich├ęd urban myth." Ted looked at me strangely when I brought up this possibility to him, but I'm sure that's just because I've caught the propaganda out! Anyway, to Americans, Thanksgiving is the official beginning of the holiday season, so that's why we celebrate it so enthusiastically. Most white-collar workers not only get Thanksgiving Thursday off as a Federal Holiday, but also receive the gift of Friday off as well. Since we don't get many holidays, and we have no concept of Boxing Day, a dedicated four day weekend given to us freely is a source of awe, happiness, and turkey. Perhaps this is where the confusion lies.

You may know that the purpose of the day is to give thanks for all the blessings you've had over the past twelve months, and even though the word "blessing" is verboten in this country, I urge you to take the opportunity to reflect on all of the “good shit” that happened this year. Undertaking this exercise on the fourth Thursday of November is infinitely more logical than trying to take account on New Year's Eve when you're fuzzy on fizzy and your husband is off helping the host light fireworks despite being three sheets to the wind, the both of them. I digress. If, like Edwin, you abhor the artificial Christmas combination of green and red, adopt Thanksgiving with its muted hues of brown and orange! Whatever happens, you should definitely wish your favorite Yank a Happy Thanksgiving.

Mrs Hoffman

1 comment:

Charles Pooter said...

Happy Thanksgiving to all our American Readers!...

...(Vote Ron Paul).