Monday, 19 November 2007

Beowulf: The Blog Post

by Charles Pooter

BEOWULF

In glorious IMAX Cockney-vision

Starring:

Ray Winstone as Beowulf
Anthony Hopkins as King Wassisname


Scene 1, Interior of King Wassisname's mead hall.

Beowulf enters.
Beowulf: Alright guvnor, I am Beowulf, son of Ronnie, son of Reggie, I 'av come to slay your monsta.
King Wassisname: I can smell your perfume Clarice.
Beowulf: You wot? You 'avin a fackin' larf?
King Wassisname: You have come to kill our Grendel?
Beowulf: Grendels? I've shit 'em!


Scene 2, Interior of King Wassisname's Mead hall, night.

Grendel enters.
Grendel: Arrrghhhh, arghhh, argggghhhhh!
Beowulf: Strike a light, what's your game?
Grendel: Arrrghhhh, arghhh, argggghhhhh!
Beowulf: Look you fackin' slag, you can fack right awf back down that fackin' frog and toad! You can't come down my manor playin' the biggun! Fack awf before I fackin' do you!
Grendel: Arrrghhhh, arghhh, argggghhhhh!
Beowulf: Alright you fackin' toilet, I'm gonna fackin' cat you up right proper, you slag!
Beowulf's comrade: You were only supposed to tear his bloody arm off!


Scene 3, Interior of King Wassisname's Mead hall, the next day.

King Wassisname: Beowulf has slain Grendel. Our nightmare is over. Later we shall eat Grendel's liver with a nice chianti (F-f-f-f-f), but first our bard will sing a song of Beowulf's victory.
Bard: Let's awl go daaahn the Strand ('ave a banana!). Knees ap mavver Brown, knees ap mavver Brown! Chim chimney, chim chimney, chim chim cheree! Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit! (Etc).


"I'll do you, you fackin' slag!"

2 comments:

Vindico said...

ROFLMFAO!!! NIce one.

phantoo said...

very good information

i really thankful for providing very good information

i used this post at night when i think about my friends and family so i really thankful for providing very good information