Tuesday, 3 October 2006

A blanket denial

by Edwin Hesselthwite

There is nothing quite as profitable for a fledgling publication as an accusation it can forcefully and authoritatively deny. With a good, strong denial a small fish can demonstrate it's intellectual integrity, commitment to honesty and its loathing of sources of ill repute.

With this in mind, LMWN has recently been considering denying roles in the Kennedy assasination, involvement in Diana's death, leaking David Kelly's name to the media and even the Great Fire of London. However, any denials of major recent historical events would tie us into past news. Further, the current Blair/Brown/Cameron drama is far too tedious for us to besmirch our public name with a denial (LMWN would like to make it clear it does NOT deny involvement in a letter by 7 juniour ministers threatening to resign if... We'd rather pull out our chipped and yellowing toenails with pliers.)

We then considered a fruity literary denial - suggesting that LMWN was the work of Dave Eggers to demonstrate his mastery of British English along with his acknowledged dominance of the American literary scene... LMWN is absolutely not the product of the team behind McSweeney's. Nor is LMWN the latest elaborate work of Banksy. We speculated on these more generic art anarchist ideas for a good long while.

But, in all honesty this is not what LMWN is here for. We aren't a clever and zany collective of unemployed art school graduates. Nor are we a publication of Economist/BBC like grandeur besieged by a corrupt executive. Thus, with our options for a denial limited, LMWN has settled on the idea of a simple blanket denial. Yes, a blanket denial - screw you Emmanuel Kant with your ideas about the fundamental value of pure reason. LMWN would like to deny everything.

Go back to bed.


Dave Eggers said...

I don't know where these bloody rumours keep coming from.

I don't read this place, and it isn't funny - so I thank you for making it clear on site.

Ruby. J. said...

Ted Hoffman is not, and never has been, a card carrying member of the Communist Party.